Archive for February, 2009


Gordon Brown’s next generation game

The naughty table

The naughty table

Following the cringe-worthy show trial of the former bankers I am left increasingly annoyed at the actual outcome. Each banker treated like a pantomime villain. I half expected cries of “he’s behind you” emanating from Gordon Brown. In turn each former banker was ridiculed and made to say sorry like a naughty schoolboy. The Government unleashed a startling barrage of questions and criticisms over the complete failure of the banking system. Some deserved and many simply venting the anger shared by the British tax payer.

The banks are accused of heavily over-investing in hazardous institutions with flagrant disregard of the long term. Pumping so much money into such a toxic investment, as it is now been deemed in hindsight, has led to this systematic failure. Now we, as the tax payer are drawn even further into this situation as the Government has too invested, through spiralling borrowing, countless billions of pounds into a failing and toxic system.

Whether the bail out of the banks will be deemed as a systematic failure or resounding success will only be discovered through the magic of hindsight. If it does fail, as I am cynically afraid of, the question remains; will we see Gordon Brown and his peers sitting at a desk answering questions over blame and culpability?

This is an official extract from the committee meeting held on 10th February 2009 which unedited could easily apply to the future…

Deputy Chairman of the Committee George Mudie MP/ or possibly in the future David Cameron PM: “You are all in denial aren’t you?”

Former HBOS Chairman Lord Stevenson/ Former PM Gordon Brown: “We are not in denial. We didn’t spot scenarios coming up that have come up. Stress testing didn’t stress test adequately.”

Former HBOS Chief Executive Andy Hornby/ Former Chancellor Alistair Darling: “I don’t feel I am particularly personally culpable”.

John McFall MP/ Kenneth Clarke MP: “Then, are you expressing sympathy because your PR advisers advise you to do so?”

John Mann MP/ George Osborne MP: “You don’t like criticism do you? You don’t like it when people bring you the bad news do you? You lived for the good times but didn’t want any criticism.”

Former RBS Chief Executive Sir Fred Goodwin/ Peter Mandelson former MP: “I cannot live in denial of the facts. But I don’t accept your characterisation. I believe I have led the bank in a responsible fashion. I don’t have a track record of ignoring problems.”

PS I promise to write something much more jovial and in keeping next time


Heavy Snow across the UK a disaster of Innuendo

“Its just not fair. He’s got 8 inches and I’ve only got 4!” Its a call that has been going up and down the land the past week as people all over facebook have been confirming what they have got. But for many its a subject for despair. Its divinding the confident from the week and its even tearing couples a part “My wife said she would have stayed in bed with me if it was two or three inches more.  But she says she’s going to work instead” one man said.

Snow envy has proved a huge issue right across the UK. All the main medai outlets have been running pictures and stories from people gloating and what they’ve go and how tough it is to deal with it, while others have been saying how much fun they’ve had with theirs: ” We’ve had a great laugh and the kids have been playing with it non-stop” .

Yet for some trudging their way to work, its simply an inconvenience “I’ve barely got anything at all” one man said “I’d rather not think about it”.

Those who have been off work with their snow seem to have employed their time purely in making others feel worse by building snow men and other huge structures. A family man told me “we’ve erected a huge one and now we’ve stuck my carrot in it”. For tothers who can barely gather a small pile together, times will remain misearable until warm weather comes -“Then we’ll see how big they all are” a grumpy ginger man said


Wales Start Six Nations Defence With Solid Win Over Scotland

by Alex Dimond

Tom Shanklin was the first to break Scotland's defences

Tom Shanklin was the first to break Scotland's defences


Wales kicked off the defence of their Six Nations crown with a solid 26-13 victory over Scotland at Murrayfield.

For 65 minutes it was an impressive and professional performance from a Welsh side that many have tipped to complete a historic second consecutive Six Nations Grand Slam. They sucked in the Scottish defence and spread the ball out wide at will, creating problems for the opposition defenders that they struggled to deal with.

In the last 15 minutes, however, Scotland offered glimpses to suggest to the vocal home fans that they could go on to make an impact in the reminder of the tournament.

It was potentially a huge banana skin for us today, so we are just glad to get off the mark with a win,” said Welsh captain Martyn Williams, who was standing in for the injured Ryan Jones. “Scotland are never going to lie down and let you walk all over them. The good thing is there a lot of things for us to work on, and a lot of things to improve.

Continue reading ‘Wales Start Six Nations Defence With Solid Win Over Scotland’



VD Blend

When my best friend said to me, “Do you fancy seeing TNA?” I thought he was suggesting taking our long standing friendship to the next naked level. However after explaining that it was a newly founded wrestling entertainment company I soon lost my initial fears and replaced them with excitement. It brought back fond childhood memories of wrestling superstars like Hulk Hogan and Jake the Snake. I am even cool enough to admit that I watched it in my late teens and early twenties. I could smell what The Rock was cooking and was hoping Wembley Arena would serve some up for me too.

Give me the finger

As we reached our seats, with comical foam finger in hand, I realised that there were definitely more adults than children. This combined with the licensed bar helped to ease the embarrassment factor and increased my confidence to shout and scream. The arena was visually stunning as the lights poured down upon the signature hexagonal ring. The action exploded as the bell sounded and I was truly in awe at the athleticism and acrobatics of both male and female professionals. Elbow drops, chops to the chops and ridiculous flips ensued. People were hit with chairs, ladders and even a mop handle. It got better as one unlucky gent got literally slammed through a table to the adoration of the crowd.

Sweaty men in my ring

The main event did not disappoint either. The famous Kurt Angle, former Olympic Champion and WWE superstar lined up against TNA founder Jeff Jarrett. The reaction of the crowd was unbelievable and action was top class. In what other sporting event can a match be decided by hitting someone around the head with a guitar?

TNA is shown on BRAVO at 9pm on Saturdays

"The Equivalent is so full of in-jokes, it must only be funny to the authors themselves" - Keith Somerville, as quoted in Sleeveless Top Enthusiasts Weekly.


Want to get in touch with The Equivalent? Well, thank god for the boffins working behind the scenes, as they have devised an ingenious method. Simply email:

Job offers always go down particularly well

February 2009
« Jan   Mar »